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crackerjackSACHI
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Name: LeAnn
Birthday: 5/14/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: i like to play some volleyball. i like chillin' with my buddies. (i love you guys!) i really like going to the beach. i am really random and i love post-its for some odd reason... 
Expertise: being random pretty much 24/7 and talking...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  sachichan558
Member Since:
8/19/2003
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| It's not like I thought my life back home would stop and wait for me.... I just didn't think they'd move on so quickly.
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| I should have never written that last entry. After counting my blessings, I knew something bad would be knocking at my door. My amazing roommate just confided to me that she is miserable at school, and is probably going to take time off. The one person that I've made any connection with here is going home. Or away. Either way, I again have found myself here with nothing, no one. I can't be mad at her because she doesn't want to be here anymore. I mean, I want her to be happy and to do what she wants to do, but it jus sucks. I hate how now I'll really have nobody. I guess for some time I'll be living by myself in a single. And then they'll probably just stick some random person who I'm thinking will drive me insane. Wonderful.
"nothing gold can stay."
I know this isn't really bad. I know it. I guess I never worried about that area of life at UMass. She just showed up one day and I realized that I had really lucked out. It never crossed my mind that she wouldn't be enjoying the semester because she is so studious and so into school and loves math. I guess I'm just shocked. I'm usually a pretty orderly person. I make lists. I like post its. Recently, I've been blindsighted by things. Random things, little things, big things, nothing things. And now, I'm blindsighted by her leaving me.
oh well. | | |
| UMass- first two weeks
After completing the first two weeks of the semester, I have not once felt homesick. Which is always a good sign, seeing as how, I, typically, am the weeper. Massive tears should be all over my face, but instead, I feel fine. My roommate's name is KK, which I first thought was a stupid nickname, but I see now how it totally fits her better than "kathryn." Anywhooooo, let's list some things and talk about it that way. It's just easier.
1. Kate
I never knew anyone with the name "Kate" in Hawaii. I never thought about it, until my first class. It was my Studio 2D Composition course. 7. 7 girls with the name "kate." I get so confused in class, now I just want to call every girl here Kate. I have like a 40% chance of being right.
2. LeAnn or Sachi?
No one here calls me Sachi. With exception to the other night (my roommate was a bit tipsy and kept calling me sachi), I've offically gone back to my haole name. Which makes sense, I suppose, since I am... well... In haole-land.
3. Speaking of haole...
no one here know's what that word means! it's kinda funny actually. One of my art teachers asked me "So, Would I be called a 'haole' in Hawaii?" after he found out where I was from. About 5 people turned around, waiting for my answer. Naturally... all of them were haoles, too. Perfect.
4. Speaking of the Art Teacher
His name is Geoff and he's 28. I only know this because as of right now, I feel the crush developing. I know, I know, it's wrong on practically every single level. But in my defense, he's the only guy I've met here who I feel any type of connection. The boys here are... meh... and their personalities do not do them justice. they seem.... dry. like the air outside. Which happens to be 42 degrees. And it's not even Oct yet. Sheesh. Anyway, back to the teacher-crush. My roomie jus found his facebook tonight (wtf is he using facebook for, he's a teacher? but hey, he is still pretty young. anddd.... he's sorta still a grad student. so technically... not a teacher. hrm...) and I discovered that he is in a relationship. BOO. not like I thought anything would come from this. It never would have happened anyway. It's just the simple thought that... I'd feel a lot better if he was single, that's all.
5. Drama
It's like a disease. I left Hawaii because there was mucho drama everywhere. At home. On Oahu. On Maui. So I really felt like coming to UMass was really a great escape. While it is (really, it is), last night as I stumbled back to my dorm room, I could feel the change in the atmosphere. Something happend. And it was loaded with Drama. This gay guy kissed this girl who has a crush on him. But the gay guy's roommate likes the girl. They all live on my floor and usually hang out. Lots of crying. Lots of weird exchanges. Sooooo glad I missed it ALL. Because I luckily left for another party, I missed the entire demise. HAHA. So fucking happy to be escaping the drama. Knock on wood...
6. School
Everything's ok. I think I'm getting used to the idea of dorming. Public bathroom, shower, etc. I haven't watched tv in forever because my roommate and I didn't bring one. I've been overun with projects so recently it's been hectic. The weekends seem like big wastes of time to even get ready. Usually by the time you've gotten to the destination, it's either 1. full of creepy people, 2. no alcohol (but I don't care about this), or 3. already broken up. So basically, you've trekked (it's fucking far) off campus to go to a party that you stay for 2 minutes before walking the 20-30 minute walk back to the dorm. In usually 50 degree weather. FUUUN.
7. Weather
Everyone laughs while I take 2 extra minutes to add on layers. They consider this weather "nice." It's freaking 43 degrees right now. I can see my own breath when I leave for my 8am class. I basically live with a sweater on and leggings. Now, now, I used to bash the whole... Legging idea but I've changed. Grown even. Leggings are my friends. They keep me warm and they're so flexible... ahh... I love them. The leaves haven't started to change color yet. Which I'm really excited about. I'm going to do the whole before and after sequence. Hopefully.
8. it's S I X
I don't really know why but no one back home realizes it's a 6 hour difference here. Actually, most do, but tonight I recieved two phonecalls from people who considered it to be only 10pm but in actuality, it was 1am. Luckily, I love these people and was awake (I slept all day... what? I need recooperation from the weekend, haha) and it was nice to catch up.
9. Ultimate Catching Up
iChat. It's amazing. I've been iChating lately and it's really comforting to be able to see and talk to people, even though they are still back in Hawaii. :0) hint hint.
That's about it for now. I never thought coming here would be how it is, but I'm having fun. I don't regret coming here and for once, I feel good, confident that I made the right choice. Maybe I'm utterly wrong and this wasn't the right time and place, but I'll worry about that when it happens. Right now it's 2:30am and I have lots of work to do tomorrow. The weekend wasn't productive. It wasn't wasted either.
Night.
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| Oh, What a feeling!
Today is the day. The day when I will officially be leaving the islands for Mass. Crazy idea. Maybe not to most people, but for me, this is huge. I'm terrified. I feel almost bipolar. Reaching each high and low. I'm excited for this. Really, I am. It's the first time to the East coast for me. First time dorming. First time living on campus. First time I'm actually working towards my major. A lot of firsts and there is no doubt that I am really stoked. But then the fear sinks in. So far away from home, or anything like home. No privacy, I'll have to share a room (something I have not done in more than 10 years). I'll have no vechicle so I guess I'll be forced to finally use the Public Transit. I know, I sound spoiled. And in this case, Of course I'm spoiled. And that's the fault. That's the bad part.... Now, I don't know what I'm going to do. Needless to say, it's all happening so fast and I can't really imagine that today would be the day. It snuck up behind me sooo swiftly, gosh.
I'm reaaady.
I think... | | |
| The Last Kiss
If you haven't seen this movie yet and were planning on doing so, I suggest you advert your eyes to another reading. This is all about that movie, seeing as how I just finished viewing it. I'd say I'm pretty neutral about this flick. It was rather depressing, if you look at it face value. Here's a film which basically rotates around relationships that are falling apart. A man leaves his wife, with a child still as an infant. A wife of 30 years confesses of a secret affair from the past. A guy, in a great relationship with his perfect girl, finds a college coed with a one night stand. About half way through the movie, I really started ponder "If he was in such a great relationship with such a great girl, why cheat?" I pictured myself hypothetically in the male's position (michael) and I find myself really questioning my morals. Is it that I wouldn't cheat on my significant other because I cared about them too much, or is it that I am more terrified by the fear of getting caught, making waves, rocking the boat. Michael (zach braff) claims he was scared. Scared of the regularity of it all, the same old mundane things that become habitual. Is that why people break up, marriages fall to pieces? Is it simply because we grow bored? There are tons of books and movies and songs and stories that tell of this. In the beginning, it's the honeymoon stage. Everything's new and fun and exciting and neeever predictable. And then you fall into the serious stage. It's all about moving in with each other, spending the night, wearing his shirt as pjs. It's the stage where "I love you" is sputtered out and you feel comfortable with one another. And then you hit that Married Stage. Oh, I know, its name gives it away, but think about it. You know those couples who do everything together. They refer to eachother as "honey" or "sweetie" and they are waaaaaay beyond routine. It's their lifestyle that, when thinking of the past, is the same lifestyle they've led their entire lives together. With slight alterations, it's easy to think "Of course they're bored." But is it really... that simple?
Speaking of relationships, I happened to have ended one a little while ago. It was messy. Actually, it still is. Some drama queens don't quit. On the bright side, I was the one to end it (with good reason) and I am happy to be out of it. He's been horrible, though. I've been pushed so far to the edge that I really don't care to even be friends with him anymore. And! With each passing day, he proves to me that I made the right choice. So for that, I should thank him. With that note...
All of my life, I thought the one thing that would make me happy, solve all my problems, would be a relationship. I was almost positive about that. "All I want is someone..." BOY, WAS I WRONG?! Since being in a relationship that went way too fast, I feel like I learned a lot. Let's list, shall we...
1. 20 is not old.
-- Of course I'm not old. Jus because about 25 of my classmates (i know, i know...) now have babies doesn't mean I'm ready for one. I used to have nightmares about growing old and alone with like 48 cats. I'd be that crazy cat lady that has been and will be forever alone. Jeez, that was foolish.
2. one word: FREEDOM
-- After breaking up with the ex, I've come to appriciate my free time. Time that I can do anything with. I can watch movies, take naps, read books, hang with friends whenever I feel like it. I don't have to say "Sorry.... No can do tonight, I gotta hang with the bf." pfffttttt. I relish in the idea that I can literally spend my time, however I want or need to. Without a boy to hold me back
3. Settling?
-- This kinda ties in with no. 2. I don't feel like settling down, at all. I feel like there are millions of places to see, people to meet, foods to taste, books to read. How could I possibly do those things when there is someone holding me back? Someone tagging along, or making you stay behind. I need no strings.
Not to be confused with those of you who are in healthy relationships, who can do these things and wants to do these things with their significant other. For you, are in a whole other ballgame. And for me, that ballgame will have to wait. But now, I'm not freaking out about it and trying to rush things. Because now, I know that there is so much to look forward to, to wait for, and to appriciate, when the time presents itself. Until then... we shall see.
So this post really wasn't all about "the Last Kiss" but it's been long overdue for a Xanga entry. Good day. | | |
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